20 Years Older & Slightly Wiser, but an Echo Remains

20 Years Older & Slightly Wiser, but an Echo Remains

“That’s me. I’d say I’m sorry to disappoint you… but I’m not. I excel at not giving a shit. Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest. A equals B equals C equals A, or… whatever.”

– Ellen Muth (Georgia) from Dead Like Me

I am an emotional person. I admit that without pause. I love watching dramatic movies, live-action or animated, and television shows that render me speechless. My wife Corinne refrains from such emotional rollercoaster viewings, but I, conversely, have difficulty turning away. I am like Rafael, not the master painter and architect of the Italian High Renaissance, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. I am not referring to the ultra-violent comic book version. Still, instead, the 1987 television series version depicts him as hip, loyal, and sensitive, but rude, feels slighted, and gets cranky when annoyed. That’s not “exactly” me, but I meander through life protecting my anxious and, inherently, insecure self.

I have always felt this way, whether with making friends as a kid, how I felt about my body image, or how I responded to emotionally stimulating events. This sensitivity, and connection, to major events, especially those in the past, drew me to the world of professional history. History, memory, and emotion often link together to help break down my anxiousness and self-doubt. As an anxious person, which I discussed in a previous blog, emotional connections are vital in exploring the past. Today, I briefly explore change, life and death, and the quest to understand myself and the past, especially in the context of the 20th anniversary of the tragedy of September 11, 2001.

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